AllThisScience

Sunday, July 18, 2021

Here's the lyrics to my "Ab Initio Oratorio" - an ode to Quantum Chemistry. I perform it here, btw:

https://www.spreaker.com/user/marshcarroll/ab-initio-oratorio

AB INITIO ORATORIO

Hey, Do they still hartree fock
or am I in a quantum state of shock?

I used to use the MO theory
wavefunctions spread from Huron to Erie

I used to calculate an eigenstate
for Hydrogen cation - not so great

STO was my goto basis set
Adding a ++ without regret

But now I see a spherical harmonic
Through a glass of gin and tonic

Call it an old man's intuition
but I'm anxious about basis set superposition

Density Functional Theory blows my mind
But the lowest energy I must find

Thomas Fermi Schrodinger Hund
Correlation Energy Exchange Traded Fund

Hey, Do they still hartree fock ?
on computers the size of a city block?

I was a theorist looking for a self-consistent field
The experimentalist had a percentage yield

Once I had a propensity
to explore the electron density

Searching for regions of zero flux
In Canada, US and BeNeLux

Programmed pre-internet with the Fortran
Now only used in Kazakstan - very nice

Approximating the wavefunction
Now I watch reruns of Petticoat Junction

Lived in Hamilton with a Hamiltonian
now Winnipeg having rye with balonium

Hey, Do they still hartree fock ?
Or model a Gaussian random walk?

Coudn't solve the mystery
Do I publish in jpc or jcp

Sometimes in Britain, sometimes a jacs credit
now I submit to groups on reddit.

Got my phd from mcmaster
would've got it sooner if I worked faster

Did the Gaussian, did the GAMESS
Heck, I almost moved to Ames - Iowa

Idaho, where those damn electrons go

Still made my Thesis into a book
Hoping for a groovy hook

But it just sits in the Thode Library
Downloaded once to a BlackBerry

Hey, Do they still hartree fock ?
Beats me. I just listen to old school rock.

- Dr. Marshall Carroll allthisscience@gmail.com

Sunday, June 23, 2019

A free Ph.D. in Chemistry

Hi all in AllThisScience. Want a free Quantum Chemistry Ph.D. ? Use mine. Not many have read it so no one will notice. Switch a few sentences from active to passive, change some indents, some sodiums to potassiums and away you go.

Here it is :

https://www.yumpu.com/en/document/view/62709971/toaimthesis